Alexandria bought This Naked Mind before she was ready to stop drinking. Finding it when that changed was the beginning of the life she always wanted.
After a family holiday with my partner and two little kids, I decided that enough was enough.
It was a family holiday to a place where I used to live and that holds a lot of ghosts for me. I powered through more wine than water on that trip. The kids had a great time (hopefully) oblivious to my drinking which was mostly at night after they were asleep … although I was not at my best.
I came home feeling bloated, bleary, and exhausted. Mum guilt, self-loathing, and anxiety (and my waistline) were at their peak.
I decided to revisit This Naked Mind, a Kindle download I’d bought ages ago but hadn’t committed to reading properly. I felt ready to stop drinking for good.
I was looking for some action …
Have you decided you’re finally ready to stop drinking for good? Start reading the book that has helped not only Alexandria but so many others find freedom from alcohol. Download the first chapter now!
My parents have always enjoyed a drink, although I have never seen my Dad drunk. It was social for them, and a means to relax. Both worked hard in high-stress jobs and provided me and my brother the best childhood – wonderful memories. They never condoned or encouraged me to start drinking. My brother still doesn’t bother with alcohol, so my journey didn’t start with them.
I know I am very fortunate to have had such an idyllic childhood in a nurturing and loving environment. I know I sound like a brat when I say I kicked back on it when my hormones kicked in and I found a new crowd. My journey with alcohol started when I was 12. I started drinking vodka and Buckfast with a new group of friends I’d met. I thought they were the coolest, edgiest kids on the planet. They were all much older than me and I couldn’t believe I was accepted to hang out with them. Turns out it came at a price and actually many of them (not all) turned out to be kinda toxic and some, complete scumbags.
I drank a lot. I drank to be “in” with them. Because I thought I was rebelling, making my own choices, and wanting to be like them, I suppose. At the time I would never have admitted that.
Oasis summed it up when they sang ‘I was looking for some action, but all I found was cigarettes and alcohol.’
I ended up getting into a relationship with one of the guys who had no ambition and slowly dragged me down with him. I won’t get into details but it was very abusive and the emotional repercussions I’ve suffered from that time have been long-lasting and have had huge implications on my mental health as an adult.
Everyone has a story. There are people who have much worse stories to tell than me, but I now truly believe that you are not defined by what happens to you, but how you choose to react and deal with things.
Unfortunately, I just chose to self-medicate and that pattern continued (heavily) for many years … a knee jerk to whatever emotion I couldn’t deal with … feeling low, anxious, angry, down on myself. Or happy, celebrating, going out, and desperately trying to mask my social anxiety with alcohol.
It all comes down to this – I have never felt good enough.
I’ve never felt like anyone would like me enough or I wouldn’t fit in without the shroud of whisky or wine. That stems from that defining, damaging time in my life.
Finally, I am at a point where I have been dealing with some demons (and massive panic attacks). I’m trying to like myself again and make peace with my mistakes.
I don’t want my children to grow up and think alcohol is the solution to their problems or their emotions. I want to be the best mother I can be, and the best version of myself. Maybe one day I can convince myself that I am good enough. This is why I am ready to stop drinking for good.
I have now not had a drop of alcohol for over a month. I feel better. I sleep better. I dream deeply and feel properly rested (most days). I have more energy for the kids and for myself. I’m thinking more clearly and focusing on building my new business and reading, rather than cracking open a bottle in front of Netflix. My skin is better and I’ve lost nearly a stone in weight. I have been exercising more and feeling less anxious and more in control of my life.
Thank you, Annie Grace, and This Naked Mind. I had made a decision but your book has cemented it in my mind and really helped to justify my decision and truly understand why it was the right one. I don’t know what the future holds but I feel a change and that is very liberating.
If you connected with Alexandria’s story and have your own story of finding freedom from alcohol through This Naked Mind, we’d love to share it on the blog.